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The Day He Stopped Banging My Brain
Lord knows there was a time when I wished he had just pounded me into the ground. Don’t get me wrong, the physical abuse — the spousal rapes — were vicious, but the ravaging my mind took was savage. I almost died.
The domestic violence started on October 24, 1993. We were married on October 23, 1993. The little ceremony took place in my mama’s living room at 2 PM that Saturday and we took off for Denver the following morning. We weren’t four hours into the drive when that trash mouth of his crawled out of hell and revealed itself. That thing would be the source of the mental and emotional abuse I endured for 19 years. The financial abuse would snake it’s way in at the mid-way point.
The two incidences of spousal rape were enough to put fear in my soul. The first time it happened, on November 5, 1993 — my birthday — I was stunned into silence. We had gone out to celebrate my special day and by the time we made it back home, he was sloppy drunk. I had no idea he had been sniffing coke while we were out. Call me naive, but if you tell me you’re going to the bathroom to pee, I think you’re going to the bathroom to pee, not sniff coke.
When we made it back home that night, the fight started right away. That man was a professional heavyweight boxer and a former semi-pro linebacker. He outweighed me by 100 pounds. I stood no chance, but I fought as he ripped the zipper out of my jeans. The next day, he would remember nothing. To this day, I remember everything. No, I’m not stuck in the past, but I’m glad I remember every detail. Hearing of my past trauma can be what a domestic violence victim needs to hear, because almost always, he or she feels that it — whatever it is — is exclusive to him or her. He would rape me one more time before the end of that year. I spent many years numb and hating sex.
One of his favorite things to do was to proclaim his level of intelligence was much greater than mine. The very first time he pulled that one was when we were watching a rental and I got up to get something to drink. I don’t remember the name of the video, but I remember his exact words all these years later. When I stood up to head…
